Being gentle with each other

And yes, I do mean everyone.

My friends, I love you.

Photo by Ginger Jordan on Unsplash

Hi! How are you doing? Since I was here last I’ve run a half marathon, a 10K, the leaves have started falling, and the presidential election happened. (I’m sure there were things before that as well, but the half marathon took up most of my brain at that time, so I’m leaving the list to these things.)

Because the half consumed my focus, I was behind on holiday planning. Once we got back (it was a Disney run—highly recommend) my husband and I sat down with the annual “keep us sane in the holidays” planning tool that I’ve been using since my son was a babe and plotted out a good chunk of the Christmas plans. What we didn’t get done in that planning session was Thanksgiving. That requires more brain space than usual this year.

My schedule is unknown for that weekend. (Yay retail!) Because both sides of family are close enough to want to see us, negotiations have to happen, and accommodations of all schedules. There are conversations required with multiple people outside of this household.

The first step was to talk to my manager about my family gathering needs and what I should expect around Black Friday. In the course of that conversation I volunteered to work the opening shift that starts at 6AM. That would have me out of the store around 10AM, giving me the majority of the day for family gathering. Excellent.

My side of the family is used to accommodating for my amazing SiL and her family—they get Thanksgiving Day. (It helps accommodate my in-laws as well. We will go to their place the same day.) My brother and SiL sell at craft shows most weekends so Saturday and Sunday after Thanksgiving were out, and my son has a short break from College for the holiday. I felt getting a good chunk of Black Friday after work (instead of having the day chopped into sections by a mid-day shift) helped everything fall into place. I’d work that four hour shift, get home, change into something not covered in glitter, pile into the car with my guys and we would drive the 1.5 hours to my parent’s house and hang out there for the afternoon/evening before driving back.

I alerted my family to this part of the plan designed to accommodate everyone, then spent a week assuring them that I would be fine, it was only a four hour shift, and I would not have to do the driving to/from the proposed gathering spot—I have two other drivers in this house. They were willing to move everything to help make my day easier. To accommodate me.

In my family we take care of each other, and think about how our actions impact each other. This behavior makes family decisions difficult because we all want to put the needs of everyone else ahead of our own. (It drives my husband nuts, actually.)

All that to say we are gentle with each other. And I try to bring that gentleness to the rest of my life. I usually know what’s going on to make my family behave the way they do, but I don’t know what’s going on in the life of my customers. So I am gentle. I am patient, I crack jokes, I get enthusiastic about whatever project they are looking forward to. If someone is in a hurry, I bypass all of that and get them checked out as quickly as I can.

When talking to someone about politics (never with customers), I try to remember the same things. I don’t know where they are in life, if they’ve been able to pay their bills this month or if they have a loved one that now fears for their life. I am gentle in my discussion, trying to understand where they are coming from.

This does not mean that I roll over. This does not mean that I blindly agree with them. It means I gently ask why. I ask if they understand the ramifications of what they are telling me. I listen, and if they will afford me the same, I will gently tell them my views as well. I try for understanding, not persuasion. Because if I can get understanding, that’s a step for the person to potentially persuade themselves that we need to be gentle with each other. With ALL of us.